Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
