Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This toilet bowl is my home.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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