Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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