Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
