I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
