Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
