u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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