Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
