Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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