Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
