I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
