Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
