Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
