No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
