thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
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Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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