Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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