I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
