when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
