im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
