The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Screwed.edu
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
