What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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