I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
