Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
