everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to make out with him forever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
