It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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