Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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