then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
