I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
