So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
