I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
