it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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