just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
