I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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