I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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