I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app