just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
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having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup