Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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