Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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