just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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