Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
