Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
only you would photoshop your dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
