you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
