Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
