i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
