i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
