Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
