A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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