I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
