I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
