I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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