Sry I called you an 8
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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