I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
