Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
