i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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