My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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