I bet he comes in French.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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