i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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