the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
