When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
