seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
