dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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