Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
