her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
