You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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