fuck your aforementioned shoe
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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