i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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