I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
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Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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