The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
