On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
