im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
