I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize