party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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