I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize