My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
