once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
