Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
