38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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