She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
